Seeking Adventure!!

This summer, God has blessed me so abundantly. He has given me a wonderful job that I enjoy and am good at. He has provided for me to see Phil and Sam often. He has provided for security in planning for next semester and on. This job that I have is one that I plan to keep even after I graduate from college -- (well, I at least plan to stay with the company. I will probably move to Rochester and try to find a job as an assistant director of a ChildTime there). I do count myself very blessed, and in so many areas of my life. So I don't want the rest of this post to sound ungrateful, because I am so thankful for the way that God has provided for me, not only this summer, but my whole life!

I feel restless. I feel like I will never be free. I will always go on doing what is expected of me and doing what is practical. I feel that I won't ever get a chance to have an adventure and just go out into the world with no plan and no security. I'm sure that practically that's a good thing, but it's something that I crave. I want to feel like I'm living!! I want to feel like I'm useful to the world. I want to go out and make a difference -- not just for a day or a week or a month, but for a lifetime! I want... I don't know what I want. All I know is that right now as I think about my life, I don't have any experiences when I just went out and did what I felt called to do.

For instance, for about 7 or 8 months now I've been feeling guilty for going to college. Spending money that I don't have and all of the money that I do have, and what for? For my education. Now, I value education as much as the next person, but to think about how $30,000 a year could change a community! It makes me ache to think about the food that I'm taking out of the mouths of children in other countries where they are starving... so that I can learn how to be a better teacher.

I'm taking a semester off of school. I will be going to school for Fall of '08 and Spring of '09 I'm taking off so that I can work and make some money. I've been thinking lately - yes, God has provided me with a secure and wonderful job here in Liverpool. He has been so good to me and everything has worked out so smoothly... but what if there's something more that I need to do? This is the time to do it!! Spring semester of '09 -- I'm going to have 8 months of no commitments (except work) in which time all I have to do is make sure that I make money. What if this is the last time I'll be able to have an adventure? I'm passing it up for the more practical plan - stay in Liverpool and keep the job I have.

Nothing will come of this. It's just how I feel. And writing helps.

And my prayer today is a song by BarlowGirl: "Surrender"

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter? Should I show you? Can't you let me go?

Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be freeI know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?